Throughout the time period of me being 18 to 21 years old, God revealed to me the children that I would have. Thus I always knew that I would have children one day after marriage. In March 2011, I was 23 years old and on one of my trips to Heaven, God told me something about the conception of my future children. When I returned from Heaven, I wrote down what He had said in the notes section of my Bible and kind of forgot about it.
Two years later, in 2013, Mr B and I got married and I became sexually active for the first time. It had never even crossed my mind that I would be someone who got married and then would have fertility issues.
Within a month, I started to feel pains in my ovaries and believed it was an indication of pregnancy. I took a number of pregnancy tests but they were all negative. The pain refused to subside and I still believed it to be early pregnancy signs. I had told Mr B I wanted us to get pregnant within the first three months of our marriage – I was so ready to start a family.
He said God’s time is the best lol. So we agreed to just let God do His thing and when He felt was the right time – would be the time we would accept. But secretly I was hoping it would be much sooner than later. Over the next two years I would feel a small twinge of sadness on Mother’s Days etc. when it was evident that I was not getting pregnant – but Mr B always lifted my spirits by buying me a mother’s day card each year, signed in our future children’s names.
By January 2014, after just four months of marriage, the pain in my ovaries had still not subsided and I was totally convinced that I was indeed pregnant and that the pregnancy tests that I was spending so much money on, that kept showing up as negative – were all wrong!
I had read countless stories online about people who were in fact pregnant and till the day they gave birth, the pregnancy tests kept reading negative. I just assumed that I was like one of those women. I was also putting on a considerable amount of weight during this time and was thus 100% convinced that the tests were wrong and I was right. My doctor, who was most probably sick and tired of seeing me by now, booked me in for an internal scan to see if I was pregnant and to find the source of the pain in my ovaries.
After two weeks, I went back for the results of the scan. I was so excited. I sat down in the doctor’s office, waiting for her to congratulate me. Instead, she turned to me and said – “Yes we can see the source of the pain you’ve been feeling. You have poly-cystic ovary syndrome and that will make it very hard for you to get pregnant…but don’t worry …you’re still very young – you’ve got plenty of years to try other methods and you can try IVF later down the line”. Shock and disbelief engulfed my entire body as I sat there in her office listening to this news. I asked her what exactly was poly-cystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and the doctor couldn’t really explain it properly – in fact – she told me to ‘GOOGLE’ it!
I was livid and so angry and upset! The hardest part was having to tell Mr B that because of me… because of the woman he had chosen to marry…it would be very difficult for him to have children. I felt so awful as though it were all my fault. He didn’t deserve this. He had endured so much just to be with me and to marry me and now – how would I be able to give him children smoothly?
I began my research about PCOS.
(For those interested, you can find out more about PCOS and fertility at my god-sister’s blog: ninemonthsandwaiting.com). I discovered it leads to weight gain due to a lack of hormones to break down certain substances in the foods we eat. My symptoms had been dormant all my life and were triggered once I became sexually active after the wedding – thus explaining the pains I was getting. I read so many stories of women with PCOS who had been trying for years to get pregnant and couldn’t. But I also read many accounts of women with PCOS who defied the odds and got pregnant many times, having healthy children. I held on to those ones and prayed that God would make a way.
At this point, God told me to stop taking random pregnancy tests and He gave me the actual date to take it on. That date was much later in the year and so as hard as it was to resist buying another test…I waited for the date God had given me.
During the months between His instruction and the date I was to take the test, He revealed to me via visions and dreams, more things about my children and pregnancy, which continued to inspire me and to give me hope.
The day finally came for me to take the test. I was so excited! Mr B was still fast asleep. I went into the bathroom with the pregnancy test and my Bible. I couldn’t wait to wake him up with the good news.
As I waited for the 3 minutes to pass before checking the results… I was reading scripture…decreeing and declaring God’s promises concerning my children and pregnancy… binding anything that’s contrary to God’s will – you name it lol. Finally – when I thought I had done enough…I checked the result and immediately burst out crying! It was NEGATIVE!
I didn’t understand. But God told me the day to check and it wasn’t as He said. How? God doesn’t lie… so why was it negative? It was with a heavy heart that I had to wake up Mr B with the bad news that morning, and an even heavier heart that we had to also attend one of our friend’s baby shower that same day – a baby shower for her second child. I was trying to keep my spirits up and do the whole: “rejoice with others” thing that good Christians are supposed to do lol – but the reality is – I just kept thinking: God I don’t understand and I don’t want to be angry with you… but I feel like I am…
As much as God wants us to trust Him, He also understands when we are full of despair or when we feel like we’re angry with Him. He understands that as humans, we will have such feelings. However, what He doesn’t want is for us to walk away from Him during such moments. Rather than turning our backs on Him, He wants us to pour out our hearts before Him – to talk through our feelings and deepest emotions with Him through prayer, and His Holy Spirit will guide and comfort us in a way that no one else can.
And so that’s what I did. I didn’t understand why what God had promised seemed to not hold true – but I told Him that regardless, I would trust in Him.
I would not allow depression to take hold of me and I needed to stop my excessive eating that I had been doing in order to fill the void I felt because I wasn’t getting pregnant.
My weight was getting out of control and God told me I needed to have a healthy diet. I made a promise to Him that I would give up all sweets, chocolate, chips, fizzy drinks and CAKE until when I would I would finally get pregnant and celebrate by eating these things on the day of my baby shower.
It’s important for us to treat our bodies with respect. After all, God has given them to us to look after. Our bodies are a temple for the Holy Spirit to dwell within us. And if this body of mine was going to house a child, then I was more determined than ever to have it in good shape and lead a healthier lifestyle.
I had taken the test just before Father’s Day and was able to tell him the good news on the morning of Father’s Day. There were tears of joy, lots of hugging and kissing and giving of thanks and praise to God. It was such a joyous day and we invited our family over for dinner the next weekend, planning to surprise them with the good news… but that same week… before the weekend even arrived… it was all over.
I had been pregnant for two months without realising it and after a week of finding out… I lost the baby. We were in the accident and emergency ward at the hospital and I felt like my whole world was crumbling around me. I had SO many questions for God! Why would He give me something I has been so desperate for … and then just take it away?! I would wake up in tears every morning, thinking of my child that I had already loved so much… and lost.
But the love and comfort of the Holy Spirit is all encompassing. For the months that followed, He helped my heart to heal. It was a journey… and by no means an easy one… but it’s in moments like these that we can feel just how beautiful God’s love for us is. And the love of Mr B is something I will also forever be grateful for.
We have to remember that marriage is a partnership. Love making is a partnership. Having children is a partnership. The loss of a pregnancy doesn’t just affect the mother but also the father as well. God wants us to be as one in all we do and it’s important for us to be there for each other. A month after the miscarriage we traveled to Nigeria where I hosted “Christian Conversations on Love and Marriage” and the comments from aunties and uncles including random strangers – about why wasn’t I pregnant yet – were to say the least: Hurtful! Annoying! And down right rude and NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS! They had no clue about what I had just gone through!
The way we got pregnant at that time was via fertility assistance. I was given tablets to take, to help regulate my period, due to the PCOS. After my period came, I was then to take another set of tablets for a number of days to help the follicles in my ovaries to grow to the right size. I then had to go back to hospital after a week or so for a scan to check if the follicles were the right size. The first time they weren’t but on the second visit, they were. I was given an injection at that second visit which released the egg and then Mr B and I had a 72 – hour window to make love like rabbits in the hope that we would get pregnant Lol!
In my book, God Made Sex and He Saw That It Was Good (available via Mrsbusari.Com), within the chapter entitled: That Baby Making Kind of Sex, we meet the characters Liz and Jeremy, a married couple who have been trying for a baby but it has a toll on their sex life – and the sexy kind of gets forgotten and replaced with a more clinical experience instead of a “Passionate”… “Emotional”… “Ooooh feels so good I’m about to…!”You get the picture!
Thus we still wanted our experience to maintain that sense of romance. The doctors had informed us that we would be able to try this process up to three times and if it failed all three times, then they would advise that we consider IVF treatment.
Well in our case, it worked the first time round and that’s how we got pregnant … and then had a miscarriage.
A few months later, in August 2015, I was finally ready to try again. I was away at the annual Summer Camp that I assist my mother with and I called the hospital. I told them I was ready to start the second round of tablets – only to be told that if I hadn’t gotten pregnant the first time round, then I would be able to start the second round straight away.
However, because I had gotten pregnant, despite the fact that I had a miscarriage, I would have to start the whole process again but not until next year!! I literally thought the lady on the other end of the line was lying. Next year!! It had taken almost a year of blood tests and scans and checks before we even started the first round of tablets the last time.
Keep calm? I could NOT keep calm at all! All of the hope and strength that I had mustered before, was dismantled within a second! I broke down crying again and took to my Bible to find comfort in His Word.
As I was reading through, I flicked through the pages to the back of my Bible where I had written down all of God’s promises to me. It was here that I rediscovered the promise He made to me back in March 2011 on one of my trips to Heaven…
It was the first time that I had looked back at it over the past four years since when I first wrote it down. To my utter astonishment… God had told me: “I will plant the seeds of your children into your womb Myself.” When I read it…Tears immediately began to fill my eyes. I was in such awe! God You truly are too good! He knows everything that will happen before it happens because He is the Alpha and Omega. From the beginning of time He knows every single plan that He has laid out for His children.
Back in 2011, when He gave me that message regarding Him being the one to plant the seeds of my children into my womb Himself – I didn’t really dwell on it. Now…it had a WHOLE NEW depth of meaning to me! I called Mr B and told him what I had discovered. We were both so happy and hopeful. Later that day, a young boy who was on our Summer school program asked if he could come and sit with me in my room to do his homework. He was only six years old and the youngest of the group of students and so sweet.
After a while, as he was working, he looked up and said in the most nonchalant manner, “Aunty Lola, there’s an angel standing behind you”. I thought I had misheard and asked him to repeat it. Once again, he said, “There’s an angel standing behind you.”
At once I had goose bumps all over my arms. My mum, who was in the room with us immediately began praying in tongues. I then asked the young boy what the angel was doing. He looked up from his work to check and said, “It’s brushing your hair”. His whole attitude was as though it were not a big deal at all! He got back to his homework. I was still in awe and after a few minutes I then asked him where the angel was now. Again, he looked up from his work to where the angel had been and said, “Oh, now it’s gone into your stomach and you have to make sure you drink lots of water!”
The whole episode was like a dream! I just jumped up and hugged him and thanked God for his life, for using him to deliver such a beautiful message. He didn’t see what the big deal was and he wasn’t sure why I was making such a fuss – and he simply carried on with his work lol! God truly had sent an angel to deliver me my child of promise – just as he had promised back in 2011… He was planting the seeds of our children into my womb Himself – I didn’t need any hospital assistance after all!
Within two weeks, Summer Camp had ended and I was back at home. I was free to buy pregnancy tests and did so with such excitement!!! But once again…. They kept coming back as negative. Again, God reminded me of the date He had told me last year to take the test. At this time, I realised that back then, though He had told me the day and the month, He didn’t specify the year. I told Him I would trust Him whole heartedly and wrote down in the ‘pregnancy journal’ I kept, all of the dates until the date that God had specified which would be in 2 months’ time.
I refrained from taking any tests during that period, despite the excitement I felt each day when I remembered that an angel had entered my stomach. I dreamt that a particular uncle from my church who always assists in the church car park, could see that I was pregnant even before I knew it. Not long after, upon arriving at the church car park one night for our monthly prayer and fasting service, that same uncle from my dream called Mr B and I aside and told us to get ready because our children are coming very soon. I was overjoyed! God was just confirming His Word.
The day finally arrived. That long awaited day that God Himself had specified for me to take the pregnancy test. That morning, I went into the bathroom with my Bible once again, took the test and read a Bible passage whilst waiting for the results to show. This time there was no “decreeing this” and “declaring that” or any “binding of anything”… There was just HIS PERFECT PEACE and a POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!
And so… 9 months later… On June 19th, 2016, on Father’s Day… Mr B and I welcomed our precious baby Josiah into this world.
Thank you Jesus and thank you to all of our friends and family and pastors who prayed and supported and encouraged us during our journey. Thank you to my beautiful mama (for a mothers’s prayers are one of the most powerful ever!)
And thank you to the love of my life Mr B…
May you all be blessed and encouraged and know that whatever it may be that you’re waiting on God for – despite anything that may seem like a setback… have faith that He who started a good thing… will SURELY complete it in Jesus’ name.
God first sent an angel to tell me who my husband was… and then He sent an angel to give me a baby…
Let our SUPERNATURAL God do the SUPERNATURAL in your life too!
Faith, Hope & Love,
Mrs B 💕