Happy Valentine’s Day!
Here’s an extract from my book… half price sale is on today for those who don’t have a copy yet – and if you do… buy it as a Valentine’s Gift for a loved one x
Oder via the link: https://paypal.me/mrsbusari/15
It takes a lot of hard work, sacrifice, compromising and prayer to have good things in life – and it’s very much worth it and God desires for us to have nothing but the best in Him. And this also applies to our sex lives within marriage.
Once Mr B and I announced our engagement after almost three years of dating and courtship, we received very mixed responses. Everyone was happy for us no doubt, but there were also some comments made along the lines of: You’re going to be trapped forever… Say goodbye to a great sex life … You’ll be missing out etc. It was so easy to dismiss and brush off such comments at first but it did get to a point where I was thinking: is marriage really that boring and dull?
We hear so many stories of husbands and wives who become shadows of their former selves, just because they are now married. It would appear that within marriage there’s a greater tendency to take each other for granted, or to not feel as attractive as you once did… or to not even enjoy having sex after a while anymore – rendering a marital sex life as literally next to nothing! Well… Mr B and I were determined that that would not be the case for us!
I know I always refer to the importance of prayer and of being specific about our prayers – but it honestly does work. God truly does want to be involved in all areas of our lives. He created us for His pleasure and for us to be able to delight in Him. To share the things that we care about with Him. If you want to have the best kind of marriage as God intended for it to be, then pray for and about it. And the same goes for your sex life too. If you need it to be spiced up – or even resurrected – pray for and about that. There is nothing that God can’t do – He is God the creator – who with His creative power, created the Universe in all its splendour and intricate design. This is the same God that we can call upon to help us find creative ways to be attractive to our spouse, to surprise them from time to time, to be creative in the bedroom – and keep that marital bed shaking (don’t be shy lol!)
The point is, we owe it to ourselves and to our spouse, to make marriage and having marital sex feel like it’s the best. The lies of the enemy will preach to us what the World believes – just as Akanni’s friends at work taunt and jeer him because he would rather go home to his wife than drink beer and talk about whether or not they would still have sex with the new female assistant – despite her un-shapely legs. When God is at the forefront of your marriage and of your marital sex life – then nothing else that the World has to offer can compare to what you already have. If you’re reading this and you’re still a teenager – then as well as the prayers, you say towards your exams etc. … also bear in mind that you’re not too young to pray for your future husband and the marriage you will have one day.
For my older single ladies ready for marriage soon – get those prayers up to Heaven now…start sowing seeds by praying into your future marriage and your future sex life. And for those who are newly- weds – let me tell you now – start as you mean to go on – ask God for the grace to continue and for your love and spontaneity to grow even more as time goes along. Pray against the spirit of complacency and against the spirit of distraction in your marriage and in your marital sex life. And for those who are veterans in the domain of marriage – if you’ve lost that spark – invite the Holy Spirit into your sex life. Actively put it into prayer and see the God that we serve work wonders in your marriage and sex life!
Now this part here is just for the MARRIED folk! It’s a few hints and tips that can help spice things up in the bedroom.
It took me just over a good whole month after the wedding to finally actually REALLY enjoy sex. It’s one thing to lose your virginity whereby you’re physically able to have sex. But it’s an entirely different thing all together to thoroughly enjoy the pleasures it brings. As always, I’m so grateful to Mr B for his tender kindness and the loving patience he showed me in aiding me towards the sexual life we enjoy today as a married couple. To show my heartfelt appreciation, for his birthday gift that year, which was three months into our marriage, I surprised him with a sexy boudoir photo of myself, in my wedding lingerie, displayed on a glass plaque.
I had gone to a professional boudoir photography studio to have the picture taken – just as a sign of my gratitude. As my husband, he deserves only the very best and I wanted to show him the best sexy version of me that he had helped bring to life! I would advise any wife out there to go and have one taken and give it to your husband as a gift. He doesn’t need to look at women in a magazine or online when he’s got the hottest one of them all right beside him!
One of the things that helps keep my sex life interesting is having a very good collection of lingerie. Not for every day – but every once in a while to keep things fresh. Before my wedding… my mother specifically warned me that if she ever caught me wearing granny panties once I was married…she would beat me herself! Lol! The truth is – a good ol’ pair of granny panties never hurt anyone and you can’t deny just how comfortable they can be – especially when it’s that time of the month! But on the whole – it’s good to have a very buoyant lingerie collection so your pieces don’t become repetitive.
I have a designated box just for my lingerie and dress up outfits.
That’s another thing, dressing up for your husband can be very fun e.g. a nurse outfit (to take his temperature in lol) or a maid outfit (for cooking his favourite meal while topless). There are a range of creative outfits and props out there to keep things nice and spicy – but remember to not go down any dark routes in your bid to be sexy. A sexy school girl outfit screams out paedophilia and items of clothing and props that suggest bondage and whips and chains – are not an example of a healthy sex life that is pleasing onto the Lord. A bit of playful and light role-play and a little bit of harmless dress up is fine – but don’t go overboard and fall into conforming to the standards of the World.
Also, don’t be afraid to explore each other’s bodies. Your bodies belong to each other and you can discover new and different ways to please each other – so it’s not repetitive or the same boring sex routine each time. You can also practice different positions. Now if you’re not a naturally flexible person then don’t go and break your back – or don’t force your spouse to try things that they are not comfortable with. You’ve got nothing to lose by trying – but if it’s uncomfortable or starts to dampen the mode – then be sensitive to your spouse’s feelings and work at a pace and a position that you both feel ok with until you’re both ready to try something new. There should be a little bit of give and take and some compromise so that you both find the right balance that works for the both of you.
Remember the whole idea of enjoying sex is so that it brings husband and wife closer together. No one gets it right or perfect the first time. It takes learning from one another what is pleasing to them, being sensitive to each other’s needs and at times, sacrificing your own sexual fulfilment to ensure that your spouse gets theirs. Just like the dance of marriage – communication is key within sex to get the best performance out of sex too. Don’t be afraid to speak up and say how you would like him to do it. See what works for you and let him know.
Obviously, being new to the game as a new virgin wife, it may take some time to work out the rhythm and the things that work best for you – but there is no rush and no pressure. You literally have THE REST OF YOUR LIVES TOGETHER in Holy Matrimony by God’s grace, to get it right – just the way you BOTH like it! And for those who haven’t married as virgins, it can still be a whole new ball game when being with someone new. Even if it’s the same person you’re marrying that you’ve already been sexually active with before, there will be some form of a change – since marriage is such a spiritually defining process. So be prepared for any changes and work together to enjoy being as one, now under God’s divine canopy of grace.
Having sex with your clothes on is a great turn on. Sometimes it’s more fun to get passionately into it to raise that sense of desire whilst holding off before eventually going all the way. That way you can both help each other undress as you go along – which heightens the experience sexually for both of you. Similarly, the opposite works perfectly well too. You can go to bed naked…who needs pyjamas? Lol. Personally, it makes me feel more free and having that skin to skin connection sets a beautiful and comforting mood for getting it on!
Finally, as the woman, don’t be afraid to make the first move. You can wake him up to sex, first thing in the morning (providing you won’t both be late for work lol), or massage the areas of his body where you know he likes to be touched when you’re sitting together watching your favourite show. You can make him breakfast in bed just because… and you can ask him how would he like you to help him with anything today? It could be as simple as picking up the dry cleaning for him or as deep as sitting down together and helping him write out his goals (which, as the man of the house – he should already have written down… but not everyone does – and it’s never too late to start) or helping him with a project he needs to work on.
A personal favourite of ours is to leave little love notes for each other. I’ll never forget the day I came home to find he had put different notes up on the walls throughout the apartment, each with different clues leading me through the house until they lead me to our bedroom, where lying on the bed was a brand new laptop gift for me. It was so romantic and unexpected. It’s nice to be able to leave little love notes around the house for each other, telling your partner just how much you love and appreciate them. Trust me… sex that night will be oh so much sweeter!
Recently, as I was walking to my car after church one day, I had to walk past Mr B’s car. We come in separate cars as he gets there at an earlier time than I do and he leaves after me, as he helps with the setting up and down of the church equipment before and after service. I wanted to leave a little love note on his car windshield but had no paper on me. The only paper I had on me at the time was a till receipt from Tesco’s lol. So I wrote a little love note on it and left it under the front wiper of his car. When he got home, I was expecting a reaction regarding the love note…and there was nothing!
I asked him about it and he didn’t know what I was talking about. Immediately I started complaining about why would anyone remove a love note that wasn’t addressed to them from someone else’s car?! Then he asked if I was referring to the Tesco receipt… Apparently, he had seen the Tesco receipt and just assumed that someone silly had dumped rubbish on his car! He threw it away without even looking at it and thus did not see my little declaration of love lol! Sometimes it doesn’t always go to plan – but it’s the thought that counts. He was still touched and gave me a hug and kiss so it wasn’t all a complete fail lol!
But all in all, whatever it is you can do once in a while just to provide that extra spark and to let them know how loved and cherished they are… do it! As I said before: Keep that marital bed shaking. It’s your bed after all… so make the most of it and enjoy doing marriage…love… sex…life…with each other!
Hope you enjoyed! Order your copy today – or order it as a special gift for that special someone!
Faith, Hope & Love,
Mrs B 💕