Before You Say “I Do”

Bonjour lovelies!

Happy Think Fast Tuesday!

Keep sending those prayer points in. I’m excited about all of the testimonies that have come and that are still coming! God’s just been too good! As in TOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!!

So this week is officially the LAST week to preorder the book at the discounted price of £7!!! From next week it goes up to £10 so preorder your copy today using the link below lol! Thank you to everyone who’s already preordered. Your signed copies will be heading straight your way next month 💕
So below is a second snippet from the book from the chapter entitled: Before You Say “I Do”… It sheds some light on the character of Simi and her situation from the chapter: The Honey.
If you haven’t read that extract yet, you can read it here before you read today’s one:

Simi’s story is an interesting one and one that is not isolated in the realm of Christian dating. Before the day comes when a woman finally gets to say “I Do”, in many cases, she has been on a very “interesting” journey to get there.
Women, just like men, also have struggles and regrettable experiences of premarital sex, particularly when they have once vowed to wait until marriage before being sexually active. Like so many young women, it’s easy to say the words and to make the commitment to celibacy when young. However, this is often before the true tests of temptation arise.
Being exposed to the realities of life, especially when certain freedoms are now attainable – such as going to live on campus at university, or moving into your own apartment as a young working woman and having male ‘friends’ round – without any measures of accountability (measures that may otherwise have been there should you still have been living in your family home) … can often break down the walls of defence and catch one off guard.

Sometimes it could just be down to the feeling of wanting to break free and wanting to explore a world that has finally been opened up to you. In other instances, it could be down to a sense of naivety. Simi ended up finding herself in the bed of a pastor.
In the story I specifically didn’t make it clear how exactly Simi got involved with the pastor – to show that everyone’s situation is different. However, I have personally known young women who have made such a promise of celibacy until marriage who did eventually end up becoming sexually involved with men who had positions of leadership within the church.
One of these men happened to be her youth pastor who “groomed” her, at first, subtly during youth group sessions and then more overtly in one to one “Bible Study” sessions. To be sold the dream that one day the two of you will be married and that God knows about it and that it’s ok to sleep together now… especially when it’s a youth pastor telling you this – someone who surely must know his Bible – probably more than you do and of course must have more understanding of these matters than yourself… Then it should be ok…right? WRONG! So VERY WRONG! I personally regard it as an abuse of trust, position and morality. However, it does happen and young women need to be educated truly about what it means to respect their bodies.

When I say respect their bodies, I don’t mean in the sense that a woman should be on a feminist crusade of: “This is my body and I can do with it what I want!” As much as I’m a great advocate for women’s rights and of the concept that women should not allow their bodies to be mistreated and disrespected by men – it goes much deeper than that.
The misconception that a lot of women have in regards to respecting their bodies goes only as far as them believing that they are the ones in control of their bodies. They believe that they are the ones running ‘the show’ as opposed to having a man dictating to them how to dress, what to do, when and how to have sex… It reminds me of one of Destiny’s Child’s songs: Independent Women. The very first lines of the song are:

” Tell me what you think about me.

I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings,

Only ring your cell –y when I’m feeling lonely-

When it’s all over please get up and leave.

Question: Tell me how you feel about this:

Try to control me boy you get dismissed.

Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills,

Always 50/50 in relationships. ”

Now I loved Destiny’s Child when growing up and everyone who knows me knows just how real my love for Beyoncé in particular had been… God had to really convict and work on me to stop being obsessed with her – because it’s not good to be obsessed about anybody! (Thank God for Jesus!) However, I can’t deny the fact that millions of young women across the globe were singing this song and loving it… and most dangerously…believing it.
It’s great for a woman to be independent and making her own money and not having to rely on a man etc. – I applaud that. What I don’t applaud however is precisely what I mentioned earlier about the misconception of what it truly means to ‘respect’ your body. Evidently in the case of these lyrics, it’s about having the power over your own body, over your own sexuality – to call a guy when you’re feeling lonely, sleep with him and when the sex is over you’re done – tell him “please get up and leave.”

Simi believed she had respect for her body – like she was the one in control – she was the one orchestrating the act with the honey pot and she was the one using her body to control the pastor – not allowing him to have her straight away, teasingly shifting backwards each time he reached to draw her nearer…but this is not what it means to have respect for your body. It’s not about having control like that. The truth is, having true respect for your body is knowing who the true owner of your body is. And that is God!

Just imagine it. If we really think about it that way –knowing that our bodies are something we’ve been given to take care of but that they belong to God. Imagine if God showed up in the flesh in our bathrooms every week whilst we’re standing there naked before Him, having to give Him a weekly report on how we’ve treated the body that He’s entrusted to our care. (And remember we can’t lie! Or omit anything – Because He already knows the truth) We would definitely think twice before allowing that guy to touch us there… (I mean… Just imagine God saying: where did he touch you?) … Or we would definitely think twice before staying later than we should at that guy’s house when he’s home alone… You can even take it as far as thinking twice about taking alcohol if you know it makes you do bad things… Or taking a swig of a cigarette… Allowing a swear word or two to drop from your lips… Gossiping … Or even … And this is a bit far- fetched but you know what I mean… Eating junk food when you know you’re not supposed to. (God didn’t give you that body expecting you to have a gastric bypass…)

The idea I’m getting at is that all of these compile of what it means to live a life of purity … as outlined in 1 Timothy 4:12

“Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”


Abstaining from swearing, gossiping etc. is all part of living a life of purity and having respect for our bodies and for The One who is the owner of our bodies. But amidst all of this- the Bible makes it clear that it’s sexual immorality that is the most damaging to our bodies because it’s self-inflicting on a physical, psychological and spiritual level. We’ll get more into that later on in the book.
So my point is: if young women truly did value and understand the true meaning of having respect for our bodies – and acknowledge the fact that they belong to God first and then to our husbands when married… It would change the way we think and act. If Simi had this kind of understanding… The “God turning up in your shower room every week” kind of understanding… Then she would not need to be in that pastor’s bed, feeling as though she’s the one in control.

The fact that the Holy Spirit whispers in her ear to think about what she’s doing is simply a blessing. And that’s down to His Grace and the fact that the seeds of the truth had been instilled in her from a young age. The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Simi had been brought up in the way of The Lord and she had made that vow of celibacy when younger. Although things may come along the way to tear us from those promises, the roots of it are still embedded within our souls and if you choose to engage in it, then the Holy Spirit will reactivate it for you. But at the end of the day, God has given us all Free Will. That’s why He doesn’t turn up in your shower room each week asking for a weekly report. It’s up to us to make that decision to live a holy life and to please Him without Him forcing us to.
After hearing God’s gentle reminder, it was still Simi’s decision at the end of the day to jump up and grab her clothes and flee from that situation with nothing but her coat and flat pumps on – and thank God she did. I would rather enter Heaven with just a coat and my flat pumps than falling into Hell, fully dressed and dripping with the stench of pleasurable sin.
Hope you enjoyed…
Also… I’m so sorry to say that Prayer & Share, which is supposed to be taking place this Saturday has been postponed. A lot is going on with the prep for Baby B’s arrival at the moment which means we’re having some works done at the house that weekend…

…So we will have to hold it once he comes but I promise to keep you all updated 💕💕💕
Faith, Hope & Love,
Mrs B 💕

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