Hope you’re all well…
Life for me has been rather busy with all the prep for Baby B’s arrival and working on the completion of the book -God Made Sex And He Saw That It Was Good! (If you haven’t preordered your copy yet – do it now whilst it’s still at the discounted price! Lol) You can make payment via this link: https://paypal.me/mrsbusari/10 and email your address for shipping.
So… On the blog today… It’s all about a topic that a few women have asked me about recently – which is: should ladies be the one to make the first move on a man she has her sights on? And is it right for them to do so or not?
Well… The general belief is that men should always make the first move right? Women don’t want to come across as looking desperate if they’re the ones to let a guy know that they “like” them…
So in essence – at this stage of our lives, we’re talking about women being the ones to get the ball rolling regarding their ultimate life partner…
The head of their future household… The father of their future children…
The Bible says He who finds a wife finds a good thing.
And people always use that as the reason for why it’s the man’s job to go out there and find his wife. And that is the truth! Mr B found me… I didn’t go out “looking” for him per se…
And ladies… This is a BIG BUT…
There’s a whole lot more to it than that!
Yes Mr B found me to be his wife… But I also had a part to play in it too. I as the woman, had a significant role to play… And this is what I mean by ladies making the first move… There is something you need to do…
You can’t sit back in your living room at home, huddled under the covers and just wait on a man to come out of nowhere to miraculously find you and say: You are my wife! In fact… If anyone comes knocking on your door and says that to you… Throw anointing oil and holy water in his eyes and we’ll see if he still feels the same way! Lol! I’m just joking (please don’t do that) – but you get my drift…Calling the police will do just fine lol!
The point I’m trying to make is that women do have a form of a responsibility to take in this matter. As I mentioned, Mr B found me. But before he made it clear that I am the one whom he has found to be his wife… I had already done my part… For those who know my story… You know that I had done a special week of prayer and fasting just dedicated to the Lord bringing me the man whom He had chosen to be my husband… Not the one whom I thought I wanted.
And even when Mr B did contact me on the last day of my prayer and fasting, I gave him a fake number (so sorry boo) but I didn’t know his full intentions and I was being overly cautious. It’s good to be cautious and sensitive but when the Lord is instructing you – you have to follow His instructions 100%! He doesn’t do things in half measures and as He says Himself – He would rather that we be hot or cold – not lukewarm (Revelation 3:15-17).
My disobedience that day just added to the delay in me getting my King but thank God for His mercy and grace because it’s all in the past now and I’m truly reaping the joys of marriage and doing everyday life with Mr B.
But obedience is the key! When God says Move… You move… When He says stay still… You stay still. His timing is everything, we don’t want to go rushing ahead of the plans He has laid out for us because then we just end up ruining things. In the Bible, Ruth and Esther both waited for the specific right time to approach Boaz and the King respectively.
Some people have used these examples of Ruth and Esther and how they made the first move… Just as an excuse to get a man, rush him to the altar and blast their engagement and wedding photos on Instagram! First of all… It’s not about having fame, Instagram and Facebook Likes or for your name to be the title of a book in the Bible – or any book for that matter. We have to look at the motive behind it.
Neither of those ladies from the Bible did what they did in a scheming way. They were both following instructions. Ruth was following specific instructions from Naomi and Esther was following specific instructions from Mordecai. The benefits that ensued are simply rewards from God for them doing their part. And the timing of their actions was most important.
There’s always a bigger picture when it comes to God’s plans. Through Ruth’s obedience and her doing what she did by going to Boaz… She set things in motion for him to do his part, marry her and become the kinsman redeemer. Through Esther’s obedience and her doing what she did by going to the King… She set things in motion for him to do his part, and save her people.
Both women got their husbands and in the process did God’s will by following specific instructions and following the rules of timing. If Ruth had gone to Boaz at any other time, in the presence of his workers,she would have been branded a harlot. If Esther had gone to the King at any other time… It would have been lights out for her!
In the same way, timing has been everything for me. Praying and fasting for my future husband set the ball rolling not only for Mr B to find me, but eventually for him to find salvation in Christ. And even when God revealed to me that Mr B is the one… He instructed me to not tell him. God wanted to tell Mr B himself.
Part of following God’s instructions in certain cases such as mine could be to not act on it yet and to just wait… If that’s the instruction God is giving you… Make sure you listen and wait. You don’t want to be the one rushing ahead and making all of the decisions just because you already know something. Remember, the husband is the head of the home and you need to let the guy you believe to be your husband, to prepare for that role before you both get to the altar.
Even regarding when to have children… Women cannot rush ahead of the man and pressure him. I always wanted to get started on our children within the first three months of marriage (I know that’s fast 🙈 don’t judge me lol) Mr B had always said it should happen within the first three years of our marriage… And that is exactly how God has made it happen.
If my prayers had been more directed along the lines of: Lord, help me to follow your instructions and to follow my husband’s leading in this matter… It would have saved me A LOT of heart ache and stress – because regardless – God’s time is His time and Mr B was never once worried about it, where I was a total wreck! (Sharing the pregnancy testimony soon).
As a woman, making the first move means doing your part and taking everything to God in prayer and being obedient to what He says. If God tells you to make yourself a bit more “available” to a certain guy… Then… And ONLY then, do you do that. If He tells you that He is the one but that you should hold off and just pray for him to realise it and to find and approach you… Then don’t get ahead of yourself and just wait… It will be FRUSTRATING!!! But still… Just hold on and strengthen your faith in prayer and through His word.
You want your man to be able to take charge when the time comes. You want him to know that you pray for him and that gives him the confidence to be the spiritual leader and to pray over his household. That is the “move” you need to make as a woman. I remember when God told me that Mr B would be the one to teach our children about Christ. I didn’t see how that was possible when at the time, Mr B was still Muslim. There was so much he didn’t know about Bible stories etc… But now I understand. It’s like God just downloaded all of the knowledge he needed to know and voila! Just like that… Mr B truly is the spiritual priest of our home and will be the spiritual guide for our children – leading them in the way of the Lord. I didn’t need to pressure him into the role by trying to get ahead of myself and force him into it. I did my part by praying for him just as God instructed me to.
As you can see… It goes beyond just the surface of finding a husband or being married… It’s about shaping destinies of the future – and as women… We have a BIG part to play in making that first move – ensuring we’re praying about everything that concerns your future husband, dismantling every blockage and cancelling out any delay in him finding you. And we have to make sure we’re following to the minutest detail, every instruction from the Lord regarding the situation – no matter how rediculous or strange it may seem.
When I was praying and waiting on my Mr B, one of the things God told me was to pray for spiritual wings to be planted behind my future husband’s ears – so that when God speaks to him to show him the way, the sound of God’s voice would echo because of the beating of the wings and Mr B would hear it so clearly and know what to do.
The very first time I met Mr B, it was 2006, about ten years ago. I was 18 turning 19 and was studying at our Univeristy library. He was with his friend and we were the only ones at the table. I could tell he was kind of shy so I spoke first. (Just to be friendly and make conversation might I add – as I was happily in a relationship at the time and was being polite – although Mr B says I was making the first move on him!) Well that’s how we built up a friendship and I had no clue that God had other plans for us years down the line…
And those plans were not revealed to me until 2010 when I really did make the first move by praying and fasting for a husband – that’s when God set things into motion and allowed Mr B to do his thing and find me as his wife lol.
I asked him recently how he would have felt if I had been the one to ask him out on a date back then. He said he wouldn’t have minded. Some guys don’t mind – some even prefer women who seem genuine and sweet to ask them out. So in that case, ladies I would suggest that if there is someone you do like, don’t be shy.
Don’t be afraid to let them know (but ONLY in the way God instructs you to do so – don’t cheapen yourself or act desperate or foolish!) – and this must be once you’ve done your research and confirmed he’s not involved in a relationship with anyone – no one wants to be a side chick or a man stealer! That’s not your portion in Jesus’ name!
However, when I then asked Mr B how he would have felt if I had been the one to ask him to marry me… He was not having it at all! He said he would have seen it as me being desperate and not allowing him as a man to hold his position. Please note: This is NOT to say that women out there who want to propose shouldn’t do it… It’s just our personal take on it.
So ladies… Should you make the first move? …
Well… You know what to do!
Let me know what you think and if you’re someone who did make the first move, how did it go?
Faith, Hope & Love,
Mrs B 💕