First and foremost… I just want to apologise for the uber long delay! I’m so sorry it’s taken me such a long time to get this post out. Life has been very interesting with heavy work loads and a bout of the flu and planning for our Christian Conversations on Love and Marriage – and a huge thank you to everyone who came. I truly love and appreciate you all! I’ll have all the pics up from the event soon.
The timing couldn’t be anymore perfect for this blog post to come out because discussing the notion of being a housewife has been etched onto my heart for quite some time now… And something I watched recently in Scandal that Olivia Pope did, REALLY annoyed me- but also helped prove my point – we’ll get into that a bit later…
Aspiring to be a housewife may also seem to be quite a contradictory topic of discussion when I get into my background and my education etc… But hopefully you’ll see my point as we go along…
So grab your herbal tea, or bag of popcorn… Or whatever floats your boat … And hope you enjoy … 💕
This one’s for all the “Miss Independents” out there… Making your own money, driving your own car and paying your own bills.
For the “I don’t need a man to take care of me because I can take care of myself” kind of women.
What I mean is… There are a lot of single women who are doing really well in life – and that’s a great thing! They are not reliant on a man to take care of them or to provide for them in any way. They can pay for their rent/mortgage… Their car tax, MOT and insurance (or Oyster travel card lol) and the clothes, shoes and bags they have.
In the post suffragettes era that we live in today, where women are no longer confined to the role of being home makers alone – and where they have swapped cooking aprons, oven gloves and all the joys of the domestic workforce for the 9-5s in high rise buildings with even higher high heels and corporate flair…
Why on earth would anyone be advocating such a regression in the journey of female success? Rendering women back into the kitchen and handing them a mop and bucket to wipe away the potency of their degrees, achievements and career opportunities?
But that my friends is NOT what I’m advocating. What I am advocating however is having a successful marriage – and in order for that to happen, it’s important that as a woman, you are very aware and clear about what your roles in your marriage, in your household and in terms of how you respect your husband are.
… And My Big Fat Greek Wedding tells us that the wife is the neck- and the neck turns the head!
As funny as the above may sound and even as true as it may appear to be so – as women we still have to be careful and mindful that we don’t offend the Holy Spirit by acting out of sync of the instructions Christ has laid out before us to have a successful and happy marriage.
Thus when I say I aspire to be a housewife, it may not necessarily be in the literal sense (Though I do pride myself in being privileged to be both a business woman and a housewife). But it’s also about being willing to be submissive and putting the needs of your home before your own ambitions.
Being a business woman is how my mama raised me to be – it’s a product of the best education she was determined to expose her children to and I thank God for all the opportunities and successes I’ve had – and still have. And yet I also take pride in the fact that I can add on Housewife there because it’s of such importance to me.
However what is a learning curve for many women – which is something that I too had struggled with when I first got married- is going from all of that INDEPENDENCE to now being under your husband’s canopy.
Where on one hand it sounds nice to be under the cover and protection of a man and being able to relinquish a lot of things you were once responsible for, over to him – it can also easily be mistaken for a state of prison – if not discussed, managed and prayed about. No woman wants to go from INDEPDENCE to INMATE just because they’ve misunderstood the Bible within their marriage!!!
When Mr B and I first met, I was an 18 year old first year uni student on a mission of world domination -armed with the ammunition of my elitist private girls school education and shielded by the unstoppable force of ambition that would defend me against any imminent threat to my plans.
By the time he came back into my life and we actually started dating, I had completed my first degree; my masters; my first year of running my own business and was just starting my preliminary course in Theology for my PhD.
For a lot of guys, they would be hesitant about getting into a relationship with such a woman. Especially if he’s thinking: Marriage. There’s always the question of: Can such a woman with so much drive and ambition be submissive when required? Can such a woman put the needs of the family and the household above her own? Can such a woman serve me as her husband and her king? Yes I said “serve” – because ladies, that is what is required of a good wife.
If you’re not prepared to honestly answer “yes” to those questions for yourself then you’re definitely not ready for marriage. And remember, I’m not referring to women who are looking to marriage as a form of escapism who don’t have any achievements and accomplishments in their own right…
I’m referring to the women out there who seem like the full package – who have worked hard for everything they have, who can go and visit their friends whenever they feel like it without having to ask permission (or at least without having to run it by some guy first).
Ladies who can go out to dinner and not worry about the time they need to get back home – or having to send updates via text or watsapp to some guy to let them know: “Paying the bill now…Will be home in 25mins”.
Ladies who can spend their own money that they earn, any which way they like. If they want to order clothes from ASOS then there’s no one to stop or caution them lol – or they don’t have to hand over their salary or a portion of their salary to some guy to manage for them – or to put them on a budget and dictate how much they can spend of it…
The truth is, it’s not easy to go from living a life of such freedoms – to all of a sudden having to be more conscious of the fact that you are no longer just YOU anymore. Marriage is a joining of the TWO of you and you have to be prepared to accept that your life is not your life anymore but both of your lives – which means you have to be accountable to each other. So ask yourself if you’re really ready for this…
It’s not easy but what you also have to remember is that it’s not all for “some guy” as I’ve been referring to. This is “The Guy”!!!! Your one true love! (Well he should be if you’re marrying him) – and for that reason, when I first got married and used to get frustrated about the fact that I can’t just randomly decide to go and hang with my sister or my friends without adequately informing Mr B of my plans in time, I had to remember that this is “My One”!!! “The One”!!! The one I had cried over and poured out my soul before God over… The one I had begged God to make a way for us to be together… The one I vowed to love and to serve all the days of my life when I was standing up there in my white gown before God and man on our wedding day…
It was like the Holy Spirit served me a huge peice of humble pie as I realised that all this “Independant Woman” mantra that I was trying to bring into my marriage was just me being immature. First of all, I didn’t build my self up to that status… God did. Sometimes it’s easy to get so caught up in your achievements that you forget the bigger picture. Yes… Well done for being successful and independent – but when God asks you to use that same greatness He’s put within you to serve your husband and to build your home and to raise your household… Will you be willing to?
I sure am! I don’t want any more humble pie from the Holy Spirit please, just the Bread of life that will strengthen me and equip me with His word that teaches me how to be the best wife that I can be to Mr B.
The Proverbs 31 woman seems to me, like a very intelligent woman. She uses the brain that God has given her and the intelligence He’s blessed her with, to still do what she enjoys but also first and formeost, to serve and build her household. That is the kind of housewife and successful woman that I aspire to be in my marriage.
And this I feel, is what Olivia Pope could not do in the last episode of Scandal that I watched. She was too secure in the fact that her indentity lay in her achievements and accomplishments as a successful single woman, living a life of freedom in her own flat and sleeping with a married man when she felt like it.
Now faced with the reality of having to actually live with this man in his marital home and playing the role of homemaker, sharing cookie recipes and picking out colour’s for dining table arrangements, Ms Pope, with all of her pazaz and wit couldn’t hack it!
If you’re not ready for marriage … Then don’t try and partake of its delicacies because it comes with a price. It may seem like fun to be the girlfriend, having sex and escaping back to your own little world – but marriage is not like that. And God won’t bless mess – so what kind of home do you want to build?
You have to be prepared to make sacrifices for the betterment of your home and for your family.
For me, this notion of sacrifice becomes even more prominent when I consider the fact that one day soon by God’s grace, my life as I know it will be significantly added to – when I have children and my levels of intelligence will have to be cranked up to full gear, making the most of my organisational skills and planning myself accordingly to raise the home God has given me and to serve my husband and children in the way God expects me to.
Raising families for the kingdom of God is an important mission and not an easy one at that. With all that young children are exposed to in the world today that speak against our faith, I believe it’s more important now than ever before, to be available to my children and to train them up in the way of The Lord.
There are millions of working mums all over the World – and who said women can’t have it all? They surely can.
However- something will always eventually have to give – and as to not be detrimental to the development of your family and to the role you play in serving your husband…if that means God is asking you to put your career on hold for the benefit of your family – are you prepared to do so?
As women, we often have a fear of failure, of being unsuccessful or of not achieving our purpose in life- especially when we consider the fact that despite “equal rights” etc…things truly aren’t really “equal” in the world we live in – so an educated woman, armed with intelligence, independence and a thirst for success – determined to NOT be a failure- is my kind of woman. The kind of woman I was groomed to be – and the kind of woman I will teach my daughter to be. I plan to “raise” my children and not “manage” them.
However, despite me teaching my future daughter that being educated and successful is important, what is of utmost importance is that she doesn’t regard those qualities as what define her. Ask “Being Mary Jane” – I can assure you with all of her Education, Wealth and Success – there is a deep longing within her.
As women, what should define us is our character of godliness – and that is what I will be teaching my daughter – that with a heart for serving Christ, she is truly more precious than rubies.
And an attitude of servitude to the Lord is what we should all aspire to have -so that on that final day He will surely say “Well done my good and faithful servant”.
And when it comes to marriage and building a home for Christ, that heart of servitude – for a loving husband who in turn loves and respects his wife – Just as Chtist loves the Church – is what a good, successful and intelligent wife should have.
Faith, Hope & Love,
Mrs B 💕