As I write this, I can picture Beyoncé and her dancers in full force waving their hands in the air, doing the “Singles Ladies Dance” and encouraging all of the single women out there to sing about how the men in their lives hadn’t put a ring on it (even though she herself was already married lol )…
It’s not easy being single and having that innate desire to be married. I remember exactly how I felt when I was single and I understand how it feels. It’s hard and it hurts. It hurts to feel lonely at times. It hurts when others around you are getting married. It hurts when you don’t even have someone to call your own. It hurts when you’ve been praying and fasting and there still seems to be no clear sign from God about where this man is even going to come from. It hurts when people keep asking where is the guy or when they say: we’re waiting for you Ohhh. It hurts when you have to be a bridesmaid again and not the bride. It hurts when it’s not your turn to post pictures of your shining engagement ring on Instagram with the hashtag: #ISaidYes! Or #HePutARingOnIt! Or my one which is really embarrassing: #wedding #wedding #wedding #yaaaaaaaa!!! 🙈
Some may say it’s easy for me to write this because I’m married now -but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember all the feelings I had before I got married – before I had prayed and fasted for God to bring me a husband. And even when God did bring me a man… With us being of different religions it wasn’t a bed of roses. For those who know me or who know my story, there were still another number of battles to conquer before that blessed day eventually arrived where we were FINALLY able to exchange our vows and be married.
A number of followers of the blog have asked me to write specifically about being single and how to prepare during this season of singleness. And for me, the best teachers are experience and hindsight. During the time of my singleness, one of the things that I am so appreciative of, is the fact that I was preparing myself for the role of being a wife…even when I didn’t know who my husband would be. And that’s what I would advise any single person to do now.
The Bible says:
“Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path”
(Proverbs 4:25-26 NLT)
This literally means that since you know that becoming a wife is what lies before you, then stick to that path and act and behave and train and equip yourself in such a way that will lead you to that destination of matrimony. And the BEST way to do that is to be as CLOSE to God as possible!
When I was single, the closer I got to God, the more He was using that period of my life to prepare me for the role of being a wife. I would pray to be the best wife that I could be to my future husband, even though I didn’t know who he was at the time.
I asked the Holy Spirit to show me how to love God the way God wants to be loved, which is to live a life of holiness, giving your all to Him. Being completely devoted to Him so that when He does bring you a husband, you know how to love and put another’s needs before your own, you know how to be disciplined in your behaviour, your speech, your actions- and you learn to aware of the fact that your life is not just your own but God’s and will one day be no longer just yours but your husband’s also. And above all, you learn to continue to rely on God to be your source of joy, peace, happiness and love – and not put that burden solely on your husband.
It’s good to use this time of preparation to act accordingly. If you’re having premarital sex and you haven’t felt the need to stop or felt convicted by the Holy Spirit, then it’s quite likely that such a trait will follow you into marriage. If you can cheat on the Holy Spirit then you can definitely cheat on your husband.
“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:1-2 NLT)
The idea is to remember that Marriage… The true meaning of Marriage is God’s design… Between a man and a woman and something that is holy and a form of worship to Him. Before getting married, have it in your heart that your body is a temple of God. The way you treat it and the way you allow others to treat it now will impact the way you respect it and how your husband will respect it and how others outside of your marriage will respect YOU.
And it’s not just from a sexual point of view. Even the words you speak and the way you say them is important. Do you make horrible remarks about people? Question yourself and the way you behave and your actions. Are you greedy? Inconsiderate? Jealous? Really grill yourself and if there’s anything in you that would not be pleasing to God, ask the Holy Spirit to help you get rid of it … Because no man will appreciate a wife like that.
The words you use and your actions in marriage are powerful to lift or condemn your husband. This is the time to free yourself from such traits of you have them. There’s no more room for immature behaviour or childish thinking once he’s put that ring on it!
The Bible says:
“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5, 7, 11-13 NLT)
This scripture reminds me of the saying: Love is blind and marriage is an eye opener” lol. It’s easy to be blinded by the fact that you may want to be married and have a beautiful wedding and the perfect wedding dress and the amazing decorations for that spectacular venue and ALL of the other exciting flourishes that come with having a wedding. But the reality is that as much as all of this is beautiful (and I will always love EVERY beautiful detail of my wedding) – it’s also childish thinking in comparison to the mission set out before us.
Once God brings your man and he has put a ring on it, marriage opens our eyes and forces us to do away with childish thinking. A new level of spiritual maturity is revealed to us and being unprepared for this during the time of singleness can cause major issues in marriage.
Another thing that was really helpful for me was having women older than me and more experienced than me to look up to. During that time, my mother was the ultimate inspiration to me (She still is) as well as other women who would mentor me and help guide and direct me. This could be just by the way they live their lives as an example of being a godly woman or by learning from mistakes that they have made and advice they can give from hindsight.
(My gorgeous mama)
In the Bible, we learn the importance such women are to play as role models in our lives:
“Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.”
(Titus 2:3-5 NLT)
Obviously it’s best to choose these mentors wisely. As it says in the scripture above, such women you choose to be mentors shouldn’t be drunkards and women who lead immoral lives – otherwise how will they be able to teach you and lead by example?
Above all, my greatest help was the Holy Spirit. I know that many single women here are already in Christ and already pray and fast. And even if it seems like God is taking His time… Let Him. As long as you keep doing everything that you need to be doing then let God do His thing. Keep calling on the Holy Spirit to reveal things to you and ask for the spirit of discernment so that you will not miss or misinterpret when He speaks to you. Remember our God is the author of our entire universe – so let Him be the author of your beautiful love story too. He wrote mine and I can testify that I wouldn’t have it any other way even though I didn’t understand all of His plot twists and turns at the time. Now I truly am living out My Happily Ever After and that’s ONLY because He is the author.
Feel free to share below any tips and advice you may have during this time of waiting and let’s encourage each other. We’re all trusting and waiting on God for something at all stages in our lives and in His perfect timing, combined with our own faith and works.. He is sure to complete it.
Faith, Hope and Love,
Mrs B x